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Thread: The Java Jokes Thread

  1. #1
    DonCash's Avatar
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    Thumbs up The Java Jokes Thread

    Hey!

    Check these Java jokes out. You'll have to be a bit of a geek to find them funny :p

    Two ints and a float are in a bar. They spot an attractive double on her own.

    The first int walks up to her. “Hey, baby”, he says, “my VM or yours”. She slaps him and he walks back dejected.

    The second int walks over. “Hey, cute-stuff, can I lick your Bean?”. After a quick slapping, he too walks back.

    The float then ambles over casually. “Were those two primitive types bothering you?”, he remarks.

    “Yes. I’m so glad you’re here”, she says. “They just had no Class!”
    A group of computer science majors were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university. After the lecture one of the men leaned over and grabbed a women's breast.

    Woman: "Hey! Thats private OK!?"

    The man hesitated for a second looking confused.

    Man: "But I thought we were in the same class?"
    News Report: "A Java programmer in Silicon Valley was detained for questioning yesterday after an anonymous tip that he was using a Hashtable..."
    A boolean passes a friend in the hall, and notes he looks quite depressed. The friend vaguely recalls a recent family tragedy and asks, "Hey, is it true your parents died last week in a Garbage Collection accident?" The boolean replies, "Yeah, and now I've got no place to live, either." The friend is shocked, and asks, "But weren't you in their will?" The boolean sighs and says, "Nope, no will, no inheritance..."
    A bunch of 17 year olds - ClassCast, IllegalArgument and ArrayOutOfBounds - decide to take their chances, and try to get served at the bar. The Bartender takes one look at them, and asks them for ID. ClassCast hands over his fake ID, IllegalArgument hands over his brother Throwable's ID, but ArrayOutOfBounds doesn't have any fake ID. The Bartender says "Sorry guys, you'll have to leave unless I can see some ID". ClassCast pleads with the barman "can't you just bend the rules for us?" and the barman says "Sorry, no Exceptions".
    D:D
    Last edited by DonCash; 04-10-2008 at 06:55 PM.
    steveschmidt85 likes this.
    Did this post help you? Please me! :cool:

  2. #2
    CaptainMorgan's Avatar
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    Default

    Great stuff. :D
    Vote for the new slogan to our beloved Java Forums! (closes on September 4, 2008)
    Want to voice your opinion on your IDE/Editor of choice? Vote now!
    Got a little Capt'n in you? (drink responsibly)

  3. #3
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  4. #4
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    tim
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    Very good DonCash! I like your avatar by the way. ;)
    Eyes dwelling into the past are blind to what lies in the future. Step carefully.

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    ashraf shaban is offline Member
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    Default

    very nice:):)

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    paulachrist is offline Member
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    LOL. Your avatar is cool!

  7. #7
    Maximvs is offline Member
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    Cool Boolen

    #1 - A boolean can have one of two values, true or false.

    #2 - True?

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    Eranga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maximvs View Post
    #1 - A boolean can have one of two values, true or false.

    #2 - True?
    Are you looking a technical explanation?
    javaBee likes this.

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    A group of 4 Microsoft .NET programmers and a group of 4 Java programmers are going on a train to an expo. The MS programmers buy a ticket each, and then watch the Java programmers proceed to buy one ticket between them.

    The MS programmers are intrigued and when they get on the train, they watch the Java programmers to see what they do when the guard comes to check the tickets. It turns out that, before the guard comes, they all cram into the toilet. The guard knocks on the door, and asks for the ticket. The guard takes it from under the door, and slides it back.

    The MS programmers are all impressed, so on the way back, they buy only one ticket. Only to watch the Java folks get on the train without buying a ticket at all.

    When they get on the train, the MS people cram into the toilet, as they saw the Java folks on the earlier journey. The Java programmers then knock on the door, and say "Ticket please". The MS programmers slide the ticket under the door, as they saw the Java programmers do earlier.

    "Thank you", they say. "You steal our methods, but you don't understand them."

  10. #10
    bob 6 is offline Java Rookie
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    Default Re: The Java Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by mbielik View Post
    A group of 4 Microsoft .NET programmers and a group of 4 Java programmers are going on a train to an expo. The MS programmers buy a ticket each, and then watch the Java programmers proceed to buy one ticket between them.

    The MS programmers are intrigued and when they get on the train, they watch the Java programmers to see what they do when the guard comes to check the tickets. It turns out that, before the guard comes, they all cram into the toilet. The guard knocks on the door, and asks for the ticket. The guard takes it from under the door, and slides it back.

    The MS programmers are all impressed, so on the way back, they buy only one ticket. Only to watch the Java folks get on the train without buying a ticket at all.

    When they get on the train, the MS people cram into the toilet, as they saw the Java folks on the earlier journey. The Java programmers then knock on the door, and say "Ticket please". The MS programmers slide the ticket under the door, as they saw the Java programmers do earlier.

    "Thank you", they say. "You steal our methods, but you don't understand them."
    LOOOOOOOL funniest^
    I vote for that one xD

  11. #11
    bob 6 is offline Java Rookie
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    Default Re: The Java Jokes Thread

    The Java Jokes Thread-comic.jpg

    This one is funny, although the code isn't legit (for example, it returns 0 even though its in the main)
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    CIA – Computer Industry Acronyms

    CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
    PCMCIA: People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
    ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
    SCSI: System Can’t See It
    MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
    DOS: Defunct Operating System
    WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
    OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
    PnP: Plug and Pray
    APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
    IBM: I Blame Microsoft
    MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
    COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
    LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
    MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
    AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
    WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You’re Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.

    nuther one.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    someone actually wrote this code in a program:

    Java Code:
    public int convertItoi(Integer v)
    {
        if (v.intValue()==1) return 1;
        if (v.intValue()==2) return 2;
        if (v.intValue()==3) return 3;
        if (v.intValue()==4) return 4;
        if (v.intValue()==5) return 5;
        if (v.intValue()==6) return 6;
        if (v.intValue()==7) return 7;
        return 0;
    }
    and this:
    Java Code:
    if (value == 0)
        return value;
    else
        return 0;
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I had a probationary programmer working for me. Needless to say, he never got to be permanent. One day I was inspecting his C code and found this:

    if ( a = 1 ) {
    ...some code...
    } else {
    ...some other code...
    }

    I told him the "else" clause will never get executed because of his "if" statement. I asked him to figure out why. He said he'd "investigate" it first. I allowed him to "investigate," since it had not been a critical task.

    A day later, he told me he figured out the problem. He said he used an incorrect operand in the "if" statement -- it should have been == instead of =, which was absolutely correct. But then he emailed me his revised code.

    a = 1;
    if ( a == 1 ) {
    ...some code...
    } else {
    ...some other code...
    }

    What the...?

    I asked him if the "a = 1" part was necessary and not just a fragment of debug code he forgot to remove. He said it was necessary. So I asked him if the "else" statement would ever be executed. He said yes. I asked him to give me a situation when such would occur. He said he'd get back to me with the explanation.

    I kicked him out of the project that same afternoon.
    LOL^
    For more, I got these from this is a link
    Last edited by bob 6; 09-03-2012 at 06:48 PM. Reason: add more jokes

  12. #12
    Fubarable's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Java Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by bob 6 View Post
    This one is funny, although the code isn't legit (for example, it returns 0 even though its in the main)
    It actually is legit since it's not Java code but rather it's C code. It appears similar to Java since Java's syntax was borrowed (stolen?) from C.

  13. #13
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